Passions of the Soul

Good Samaritanism

It needs to spread, and the blog post I will link to, below, will offer some important pieces of information and a link or two to help the effort.

The goals include (a) preparing oneself to be able to respond, should the need arise; (b) prompting couples and families to have those all-important, but often delayed, discussions on end-of-life decisions; and (c) spreading the word of CaringBridge, a wonderful tool available to anyone whose loved one is facing serious and chronic illness, acute illness, or serious injury. Bill's post tells more. 

Young couples, pay heed: Terry Schiavo, in her 20's when disaster struck, became a household word around 12 years later, when her husband filed for divorce so that he could move on. A court battle ensued, in which he and his wife's parents wrangled over what Terry would have wanted; whether she was medically viable; and whether the life-continuing equipment should be shut down. Having the needed conversations would have spared Ms. Schiavo those long years of total dependence on the care of others; would have spared her parents those same long years of believing that, any day, their daughter would return to them, and they could have said their good-byes much sooner.

Anyone mature enough to be living apart from parents and taking the responsibilities for her or his life is old enough to think about these things and have the Advanced Medical Directive drawn up. And, yes, I know even many young adults continue in the delusion of their own immortality, but preparing for the unthinkable is part of maturity.

Here, then, is the link to Bill Fisher's blog post. Please read it. Thank you.

Rejoicing in Suffering

I typed the words in the title, despite the argument going on in my mind. One side says the words Rejoicing and Suffering don't even belong in the same sentence. But a Higher Authority says otherwise:

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us. Romans 5:1-5

(Note that Paul did not say we rejoice because of our sufferings, but in them.) I had read this passage many times; in fact, it was already underlined, in my Bible. But the changes in my physical well-being, this past year made the sentence in the middle jump out at me.

I have grappled for the past six months with the question of how to live with pain, every day, and remain upbeat, joyful in spite of suffering (which is not what Paul wrote, but I'm working on it!), trusting that God has His reason for not answering the many prayers that have been prayed for my healing. And I do trust Him for having a reason, and therefore, I wait on Him; remaining upbeat and joyful, in spite of pain and in pain--? Hey, I'm still working on accepting that this is now my life, and it is a different life than what I lived before the pain got bad enough to drive me into surgery.

My goal is not "positive thinking," "positive affirmations," or unfounded optimism. My goal is a quiet and trusting spirit.

The passage quoted above does not tell us how to rejoice in our sufferings. But it does go on to tell us why: They produce perseverance, which produces character, which produces hope.

Here's what I think about this, as I write, but be aware my understanding may change: I think the hope that comes through perseverance and character is the hope that is grounded in the knowledge of God's love for us, and in us, through His Holy Spirit. As we persevere in rejoicing--and I must add--in trusting Him, the character that is produced is His own, and we become more like His Son...who is like the Father (John 14:5-10).

I have two choices: I can slide into self-pity and become a whiner and a complainer, thus ruining the rest of my life, and Bruce's life, as well. Or I can let Christ's strength be made perfect in my weakness and learn to rejoice in the pain. I can find ways to compensate for at least some of the changes in my life. And I can be open to however God wants to use me, still.

Emmanuel - God with Us

In recent months, I have had conversations with someone who, in her own words, once "had the belief system" (Christianity), but lost it. My interpretation: She once had faith in the "belief system," but no longer has it. Her talk is liberally peppered with references to religion; the mere word gives me the willies.

In our first conversation, she shared with me some of her church history, and I, in return, shared some of mine. Not until very recently have I keyed in on her facial expression when she learned I had come full circle in returning to an evangelical (nondenominational) church, ten years ago, after having left the denomination of my youth. I think we held two very different views of that return: I have long recognized God's marvelous sense of humor, as He led me from church to church, and then led me back to an environment I had often said I was finished with. You know--never say "Never!" to God.

I think she heard my return to the evangelical church with disappointment, hearing only that I had "gone back" into what she found greatly wanting, years ago.

What I long to share with her, if the opportunity arises without my pushing it, is that I don't believe God ever calls us back to where we were, before. Nor does He ever call us to religion. I do not believe for a minute that Jesus Christ died that horrible death in order to found a religion. He died and was raised from the grave through His Father's awesome power to reconcile us to the Father. 

So the call of God on us is to a relationship with the Father, through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ. Not to religion--any religion--and not to a belief system, but simply to faith in Him and in the One He sent to us.

That is the reason I celebrate Christmas: God, come to earth as a babe, ushered into our fallen world both hope and redemption. Emmanuel--God with us. And Merry Christmas, everyone!

Worry

I've just finished reading a series of three Amish novels by Barbara Cameron. In them, Phoebe, a wise and feisty grandmother, always says that she never worries; worry is arrogant, suggesting that God doesn't know what He's doing, and God always has a plan. I believe this. I've come to believe it more and more, over the past 10 to 15 years. But trust (the antithesis of worry) is still a very intentional act of the will, for me; otherwise, I wander into fear and, yes, worry. (Or is that redundant?)

Some people would accuse me of practicing "positive thinking," a la Norman Vincent Peale, or simple affirmation, when I get nervous or fearful. The difference between either of those and intentional trust is in remembering that God does always have a plan (read Jeremiah 29:11-13, for starters), and in choosing to trust in Him. The key element is a Person.

My all-time favorite, relevant passage of scripture on this topic is Proverbs 3:5,6:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don't rely on your own understanding. In all that you do, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your way.

Trust Issues Abound in An Amish Wedding

Title:  An Amish Wedding ****
Author:  Beth Wiseman, Kathleen Fuller and Kelly Long
Published by Thomas Nelson, 2011
Kindle Edition

Trust Issues Abound in An Amish Wedding

An Amish Wedding consists of three novellas with characters who overlap from one story to the next. I have read previous Amish-based volumes of novellas, written by any or all of the same authors, and have enjoyed each of them very much. I like the continuity of characters, with the shifts in focus. This volume and its interwoven stories is no exception.

In "A Perfect Secret," Kelly Long opens with Rose's reaction to a perfectly unromantic proposal of marriage. Rose knows and understands all of his stated reasons, but she longs for a little romance. Luke seems utterly lacking in any such sensibilities. Rose is hampered by the belief that she knows Luke fully, because they have been best friends all their lives.

            Rose's secret desire for adventure sends her out in the night after the thief who has been stealing from the community, and who has now stolen the pies Rose had baked and set outside. Through her quest, we learn that Luke, too, has kept secrets from her, from his family, and from the community at large. These revelations set both Rose and Luke free to be who they are. They also relieve Luke of a burden he has carried and tried to meet all by himself. But will these revelations bode well for Rose and Luke's marriage?

Kathleen Fuller introduces us, in "A Perfect Match," to Naomi and Zeke. Naomi is 25 years old, which is really "old" for an unmarried Amish woman. She was once abandoned by the one man she thought she could ever love, and had built up strong defenses against being hurt, again. Zeke is a few years older, really old for an Amish man never to have married, but he has just been waiting for the one woman who could be his match.

            Zeke lives in another state and has come to visit for his cousin's wedding, and he is struck by Naomi right away. Naomi cannot deny that he is attractive and that they do hit it off well, but she has promised to help her friend Margaret "find a man." She tries to set up Margaret with Zeke, but that does not go well. Naomi has long been convinced that she could protect herself from being hurt, again--a common misbelief.

            Later, it seems more likely that Margaret has found her man than that Zeke will be able to win Naomi. Somehow, just saying, "You can trust me," isn't enough.

Beth Wiseman brings us "A Perfect Plan." Of course, no plan is ever really perfect or comes to perfect fulfillment.  In this case, hardly anything remains that could go wrong for Priscilla and Chester, as they approach their wedding day. Priscilla always wants everything to be perfect, but Chester's and Priscilla's plans face one disaster after another, through all the months of their preparations. They love and are committed to one another, but after so many things go wrong, each begins to question whether, in fact, they are supposed to marry each other. Could God be trying to tell them something?

I enjoyed these novellas, as I have enjoyed the other stories I have read by the same authors. I suspect developing stories and characters is more difficult in a novella than in a full-length novel, and I have enjoyed their novels even more. But I do recommend An Amish Wedding to readers who enjoy Christian, and specifically Amish, fiction.

I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze Blogger program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Surprised by Grace in a God-Forsaking Place

Title:  The Grace Effect: How the Power of One Life Can Reverse the Corruption of Unbelief *****
Author:  Larry Alex Taunton
Published by Thomas Nelson, 2011
Kindle Edition

What on earth would lead a child who had spent her entire existence in one orphanage or another, in a country that had plunged ever deeper into the abyss of Godlessness, to pray to God? Under a government whose policies continued to dismiss the poor, the weak, the disabled and the orphan as worthless, and which continued to deny the existence of God, how would a child know to pray to anyone, let alone a Being she could not see?

          Sasha, ten years old, had entered her first orphanage right after her birth. No one had any idea who, or where, her mother was, or if she was alive. Sasha was not only an orphan: She was HIV-positive and, by the time the Tauntons met her, had rickets. She had survived in a system that did not care whether she survived, or not, but wanted her off the streets and off their minds.

          One day, an adoption facilitator the Tauntons would later meet walked into Orphanage #17 and found Sasha, who normally was vivacious, despite her physical condition, in tears. Nobody around wanted to tell him why, but finally one child did: Sasha had been attacked by a teenaged boy. That night, Sasha prayed for a real family, with a mother and a father.

          Taunton’s narrative of his family’s trip to Ukraine to finalize their adoption of Sasha, not so many years after she had prayed, gripped me, as the pitfalls and the possibilities for failure lay waiting at every turn. At any time, any of the Ukrainian “players” could have stopped the whole process; one bribe too few or too small, or one judge having a bad day or too lacking in care for a child, and the family could have been sent home without Sasha, forever.

          Sasha’s resilience, faith and hope throughout the proceedings reflected what Taunton refers to as “the [Christian] grace effect.” I cannot explain that nearly as well as he has done in this book, but he has left me much more aware of the many ways my own life is touched by grace. He has also left me sobered by his discussion of how a nation moves gradually but steadily down the road to losing the gentling effect of grace, toward the ultimate end of abject denial of the human soul, of God, of any purpose in life.

          The Grace Effect fascinated me, took hold of me, and hasn’t let me go. I not only recommend it; I urge you to read it. Will you agree with it? I cannot guarantee that, but if it doesn’t make you think, then your mind is closed, perhaps irrevocably. I hope that is not so. I give The Grace Effect five ****. 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze program. TN did not require me to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

 

"Wonder" Leaves Me Wondering

Title:  The Wonder of Your Love **
Author:  Beth Wiseman
Published by Thomas Nelson, 2011
Kindle edition

In The Wonder of Your Love we find not one, but two romances. The one purporting to be the main storyline involves Katie Ann, whom we know from Wiseman’s Plain Pursuit. In that story, Katie Ann’s husband of many years had left her for an Englisch woman. Only after he had gone did Katie Ann discover that she was carrying their first child, after many years of marriage.

Wonder picks up a few months after the birth of Katie Ann’s son. And we find that Martha, another character from Seek Me with All Your Heart and Plain Pursuit, has forged a close relationship with Katie Ann since the close of the previous story. Martha is one of the two characters in what is supposedly the subplot, or sub-storyline. In my actual reading of the book, neither Katie Ann’s nor Martha’s storyline seemed dominant, but more as if they were “co-stories.” Martha is also the character who ties the title into the story, by her references to the wonder of God’s love. Primarily through Martha, too, we see God’s love working in its transforming power to change lives, both Martha’s and Danielle's (a new character--hmm...will the next story be about Danielle?).

Katie Ann does not expect ever to marry, again, and continues denying the possibility through much of the book. Martha, being much older than Katie Ann, does not expect to marry again, either. Her first husband, whom she had loved deeply, had died; Arnold, her second love, had moved away when he heard that his son was very ill. Martha had not allowed Arnold to come visit her, because his leaving had been very painful, and she didn’t want to go through that, again.

Katie Ann’s life takes an unexpected turn when Eli shows up for his nephew’s wedding. His wife had died 17 years earlier, leaving him to raise their six kinner (children). He is a new empty-nester who fully intends to enjoy his new freedom by working hard on his farm and traveling—a most unusual plan, for an Amish man. By tradition, he should have remarried within two or three years, at most, after his wife died. But here he is, plopped down in front of Katie Ann as an eligible bachelor. Naturally, as their friendship progresses, much match-making occurs, despite the protests of both that they are “just friends,” and that a marriage between them is “impossible.”

The resolution to Martha’s romance comes as a natural progression of Arnold’s personal situation. The resolution to Katie Ann’s and Eli’s “friendship” does not seem natural. Given all the denial from both, any reader of romance fiction knows early on that they will get together, and the only question is how it will work out. I found the solution unbelievable, or at least, difficult to believe. So I wonder: Was the author tired of the book and just wanting to wrap it up? Was she frustrated, unable to form any better resolution to the dilemmas presented by the couple? Did she wrap up both romances in one book because she didn’t have enough material for two (which is okay, I guess)?

Ms. Wiseman can do better, in my opinion, than she has done in this book—and she has done better. Seek Me With All Your Heart and Plain Pursuit were both much better stories than this one. I had looked forward to the book focusing on Katie Ann, but I am very disappointed in this one. In fact, it proved so forgettable, for me, that after I first read it, I utterly forgot to write my review. Two or three weeks later, I re-read it in order to refresh it in my mind. And then I forgot, again, to write my review. That has never happened, before. I realize most reviewers have given Wonder… high ratings, but I cannot join them. I give it two stars.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze program. TN did not require me to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Redemption in Serenity

Title:  Shadow in Serenity
Author:  Terri Blackstock
Publisher: Zondervan
ebook edition/Kindle 

Shadow in Serenity first appeared under a different title when Terri Blackstock was writing for the general market. She says, “It was my last book to be published before I changed to the Christian market, where I could write books that impacted lives in an eternal way.” I appreciate that calling. She has rewritten this book as a story of redemption. Yes, there is romance, but redemption and grace are greater and longer lasting than romance. 

Logan Brisco is a grifter. His mom died when he was only five years old, and no one ever told him that. For years, he waited for her to come back, as he was shuffled from one foster home to another. He finally went out on his own at 14, making a living of sorts off of “marks”—people who were conned by whatever pitch he was giving them. At 17, he was picked up by an older man, also a grifter, but this man was accustomed to a higher standard of living—also made off of marks. Together, they became a dynamic team, as they developed bigger and greater scams. That ended the night Montague Shelton dropped dead in their hotel room.

After serving several years in prison under an assumed name and legitimately earning a college degree in his own name, Logan decided to try a legitimate job in marketing and sales. He became the top earner, until his boss began cheating Logan on his commissions.

That’s when he decided that he might as well go back to his previous, dishonest career and began doing research on amusement parks. Having completed his research and developed his scam, he researched little towns in Texas, towns that had done very well, for a while, but were facing tough times--but towns in which enough people still held sufficient funds and hope of a comeback to make them vulnerable.

In Shadow in Serenity, we read how Logan managed to con almost everyone in town and collected a lot of money. But he met his match in Carny, the child of carnival drifters and grifters, who knew all the tricks, the looks, the tones of a grifter.

But Carny, despite her participation in the schemes and scams of her parents, Had once had dreams. She'd dreamed of having her own home, settling down, making friends; then she met Abe, the man she thought would give her the life she’d always dreamed of. They married, and Abe took her to his hometown of Serenity, TX, where he proved to be a drunk. When he died in a drunken stupor, Carny was left with her son and her home, complete with a white picket fence.

She had also, by that time, found the love and acceptance of the people of Serenity. In the little church, there, she learned that Jesus Christ loved her and could wash her clean of all sin. She received that precious gift and told her new friends of her past life, confessing her own part in the dishonest activities of her parents. They accepted her, and she was really at home.

But Carny was never going to be taken in, again, by anyone, grifter or even any honest man who wanted a relationship with her. And when Logan Brisco hit town, she had him and his scam in her sights. She listened with everyone else who came to hear his pitch, and then she tried to convince everyone present not to listen, and certainly not to give him any money. She failed, and Logan started raking it in.

One irritating pattern I have noticed in the novels I’ve been reading is that they all have two or more people—a man and a woman, or a newcomer or returning prodigal—who are in conflict. Fine. That makes a good story. But despite mounting attractions, despite growing hopes and dreams, main characters repeatedly remind themselves and the reader that “It can never work out,” “It would be impossible,” “It will never happen.” Little insight is needed to know, very early, that it will work out. I keep reading so I won’t miss the details. But I wonder: Is denial of the obvious the new style of foreshadowing?

Nevertheless, I enjoyed this book, and my mind keeps returning to it. It probably won’t be long before I read it again. I recommend that you, also, read how Carny and the townsfolk begin to get to Logan—and how Logan begins to get to Carny. It is a romance, but it is primarily a story of grace and redemption on several levels, for both Logan and Carny. I highly recommend this book.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Shelton Interactive on behalf of the author or publisher. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Lessons Learned from a Good Outcome of 9-11

Title: Thunder Dog: The True Story of a Blind Man, His Guide Dog, and the Triumph of Trust at Ground Zero
Authors: Michael Hingson and Susy Flory
Publisher: Thomas Nelson – Kindle edition

Exactly what I expected from this book, I’m not sure. Is it a good 9-11 story? Yes, indeed—a bit unnerving, even, at times, although there was certainly no question as to the outcome: Michael and guide dog Roselle obviously made it out alive, along with Michael’s friend and co-worker, David Frank. 

But suspense was never the point; the point was how they made it out and how that story ties in with Michael’s life-long blindness and what we can all learn about blindness and interacting with blind people, as a result. At least, I think that is the point; I found myself wondering, many times, just what the main point of the book really was: Was the main point that they survived, despite Hingson’s blindness, by walking down almost 1500 stairs in Tower 1? Or was the 9-11 story the vehicle through which Hingson and Flory could educate the masses about blindness and how sighted people can interact with the blind without looking, ourselves, like total idiots? 

I think the latter option is true; certainly, that is how it turned out. I learned a lot from the book, not the least important point being that blindness does not render a person deaf, unintelligent, or incapable of doing anything for him- or herself. Not that I thought it did; yet, many sighted people act as though any or all of those are true. According to Hingson, blindness is not the tragedy many of us think it would be, if we were suddenly to lose our sight. Still, I suspect it would seem more tragic to me, at this stage of my life, that if I had lived with it from birth. But according to Hingson, putting up with the ignorance of most of the public with regard to blindness and dealing with the blind is perhaps the biggest hurdle a blind person faces—and faces virtually every day. 

Thunder Dog is worth reading, if only for the chance to learn a wealth of information, in one volume, about blindness and how to interact with blind people without robbing them of dignity and looking like an idiot. But the format--the interweaving the 9-11 story with Hingson’s life experiences as a blind child, adolescent and adult—often felt disjointed to me. I often found myself really “into” whichever part of the total story I was reading, only to be jerked back to the alternate story with little or no transition. I’m not sure whether a single volume with Parts 1 and 2—the two main story lines of the book--would have worked; it may be that the connections would be lost, altogether. Most likely, all that was needed were smooth transitions—easily followed segues.

I am a re-reader; I often turn to books I have previously enjoyed and read them again and again and…you get the idea. I am glad I read this book, but I don’t know that I’ll read it again. I do think you should read it, and maybe give it to someone who has a need to learn about blindness to help him or her cope with the blindness of a loved one, a co-worker, or some other person.

It might be a good gift (it is available in audiobook format, unabridged) for someone who is losing or has lost his or her sight, and feels devastated. I suggest this because Hingson also says that far too many blind people believe the negative misconceptions about their blindness and allow that to limit their life experiences, unnecessarily. If hearing the book will help them live a fuller life, then it’s well worthwhile.

Declaration

KNOW ALL MEN BY THESE PRESENTS:

    WHEREAS, the Council having met and considered all available information, and having made its determination, the Council makes the following Declaration:

    THAT major back surgery, e.g., disk fusion, especially a multiple fusion, constitutes a major assault on the physical body and is not to be taken lightly;

    FURTHERMORE, that if, at a relatively young age it does appear that surgery will be needed at some time, patient and doctor should consider doing it sooner, rather than later, as the 60-something (or older) body does not heal and bounce back as quickly as the younger;

    HOWEVER, this Declaration by the Council is made and presented with the full acknowledgement that Council does not know nearly all of the ramifications of such a recommendation and,

    THEREFORE, any individual considering undergoing such major surgery must not depend on the lay opinion of the Council, but must make her or his own decision based on the facts of her or his own case and the recommendations of his or her own doctors.

    IN CONSIDERATION WHEREOF, the Council quietly adjourns.

Grace Gift in My Life: Reuben

Today is Father's Day, and social networking sites are filled with good wishes and statements of love and gratitude to dads, some of whom have gone on ahead. I love to read those, especially when they give any example of what made Dad stand out for them. But they also make me aware of a hole in my life, and that has come into sharp relief, yesterday and today. 

Several months after my parents divorced, my dad left the state we lived in, never to return. I wish I could tell you that his going was a terrible loss--and in some ways, it was, only because I was nine years old and daddies are not supposed to go away, forever. But, in some instances, it's better that they do where there has been abuse, chaos caused by addictions, mental illness, or whatever; and yes, sometimes healing takes place and some degree of reconciliation may be possible. Reconciliation was not possible, for us, and Dad's going away forever was best. But this post is not about him.

Sometimes, at least, God brings other people into the life of a child with only one parent, or with parents who have such severe problems that they can not effectively parent their children. Last year, I wrote a post for Father's Day--my first, ever--to honor Tom Clendenen. Tom was the first such man to come into my life, for a season, and I loved him very much. And having reconnected several years ago and even enjoyed a visit, early this year, I assure you that I still do. He and Eva are still really neat people who loved a little girl who felt adrift.

Other men, youth pastors and a few others, filled the need for male role models in my life. I don't mean that they taught me how to be a good man; that would be silly. But they exemplified good, Christian men who could and did invest themselves in the lives of kids and teenagers, including my life. I am ever and forever grateful to them. Don Hughes, now gone ahead, and Norm Shoemaker tried to help mold me into a reasonably healthy, contributing, Christian young woman. That was a tall order, but they were committed, and I still tear up when I remember how important they were to me and how God used them in my life.

Before I reached college, Norm brought into our youth group a godly man and student of the scriptures to speak to us for a week of special gatherings. Reuben Welch had been a pastor and had come to the church-related college in our town as an assistant professor in the Religion department. A kinder, more humble, more genuine follower of Christ Jesus I have never met. I have met a few whom I would describe in the same words, but none has surpassed him. I do not mean to imply that any of them is perfect, never feels frustrated with the demands made on him, never says anything he might not have said, with a little more thought; after all, they aren't in heaven, yet.

When I entered the church college, Reuben became my advisor, as I had listed a major in Religion. But he became so much more to me than he ever bargained for. I sought him out often for nonacademic counseling; as he was not always available when I insisted I needed to talk to him now, I learned that I could survive while waiting until Friday. I also learned that, no matter what I told him about myself, he responded in love and compassion. He was my first recognized example of the unconditional nature of God's love; that does not mean no one I'd ever known loved me unconditionally, but I hadn't recognized it.

Note from the Un-Blogger

Wow. It's been almost two full months, since I last posted anything here. That's very bad for blogging, but there are good reasons: low back problems that worsened rapidly, after the first of the year, with two weeks of perhaps the worst pain I had ever experienced prior to triple-fusion surgery* just over a month ago. Both before and since surgery, sitting for very long has been painful, in varying degrees. It's getting less so, some of the time; sometimes, I almost involuntarily stand, quickly, to take the pressure off. Sigh.

*I wrote that phrase, "had ever experienced prior to ... surgery" as I did for a reason: Coming out of anesthesia without nausea and vomiting, for the first time ever, I tried something different: I think I woke myself up, yelling, "Make it stop!! Make it stop!! Make it stop!!" referring, of course, to the horrendous pain. The nurses and others around my bed seemed less than happy with my waking. Of course, once I was awake and aware of yelling, I stopped.

Have I learned anything very profound, from this experience? Don't know; time will put everything into perspective. But profound or not, I have learned that I really can let go of how I like things to be done. My husband has been my caregiver, and he's done a good job. He has made a real point, numerous times ('cause I had trouble believing, I guess), that caring for me is not burden; it is a joy and an honor. Go figure. But as he said would happen, we have drawn closer, still, and we were really close, before.

As I've gained strength, we've both learned that we can work well, together, in the kitchen. He's never considered himself a cook, but he can prepare simple meals and do them well. Because we've eaten simply--and always at home--I've lost several pounds. The other factor is that I have not regained much of an appetite, and I find myself eating a little something, just because I know I need to. I've dropped more pounds than I would have wanted, or believed possible, and I would be getting concerned, except that I know we will begin eating more normally in the near future, and at least some of those pounds will return. In the injustice of it all, while I've lost pounds, I have lost almost nothing, in inches. :(

As for following instructions, I've not done well. I mean well, but I'm under the No BLT rule: No Bending, Lifting or Twisting. Right. Have you ever tried toweling off after a shower without bending or twisting? Think about this, as you go through your day: How many times, and in how many ways, do you bend at the waist, do a crunch (e.g., putting on socks or tying your shoes), or twist, even slightly? And with steel (or pewter?) rods, nuts and bolts from L3-S1, my low back is not very giving--or forgiving.

So my current prayer request is that God, in His mercy, will ensure that healing continues as it should, unhampered by my inattention to what I'm doing; that He will help me to be more attentive; and that, when the year is over (if not sooner!), we will know that this was all worthwhile, with marked improvement in loss of pain.

I'm not sure who might be interested in reading about anything I learn, as I go, but I'll at least try to be more disciplined about writing. That's a value, in itself.

Hyacinths

Long ago, a friend and I used to refer to this verse, now and then--especially when things were not going quite right and we just needed a pick-me-up. We might buy some little thing that didn't cost much, but it was a "hyacinth" for our souls. Not necessarily good money management, but it seemed to help us cope.

If of thy mortal goods thou art bereft,
     and from thy slender store
Two loaves alone to thee are left,
Sell one, and with the dole
Buy Hyacinths to feed thy Soul.

SADI

Because...

Easter 2011 is almost over, but for those who have put their faith in Jesus Christ, every day is Easter! I hereby commit myself, this year, to praising Him more, complaining less, and to acting more consistently in harmony with what I believe:  He lives, and therefore, I can live without fear, without worry. That will take continued practice, so feel free to remind me, anytime!

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone!
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living, just because He lives!"

(Thanks to Bill Gaither for that song!)

A Horse Thief Finds Love

Title:  Lilly’s Wedding Quilt: A Patch of Heaven Novel ****
Author:  Kelly Long
Published by Thomas Nelson, 2011
312 pages, paperback

            Jacob Wyse has just stolen a horse. This is not acceptable behavior in civilized society, and certainly not in an Old Order Amish community. The horse’s Englisch owner is none too pleased, either, venting his displeasure with a well-aimed gun.

             Lilly Lapp is late for the wedding of the season. Local police had come by, wanting to search her outlying property for the wounded horse thief. As if any Amish person would steal a horse! Well, it could happen, but . . . it was unlikely.

             So, now, she is trying to encourage her buggy horse, Ruler, to step lively, in the hope of reaching the home where the wedding is already in progress, before the storm gets too bad. But the rain turns to sleet, which then turns to snow; Ruler is uneasy, and the King family’s barn—the site of the wedding--is still two miles away. She must find shelter for herself and Ruler.

            As the wind shifts, she sees an outlying barn set back a few hundred feet from the road. Leaving the buggy at the roadside, she leads Ruler to the barn. And there she finds that the wounded horse thief is the man she has loved and admired since she was a young girl. While Lilly does not condone Jacob’s theft of a horse, when she sees the condition of the horse and understands that Jacob stole it from its mean and abusive owner, she cannot help but admire his intent.

            Jacob had paid no attention to Lilly, over the years, as he had had eyes for only Sarah King, now the bride of the day. He knows he is expected to attend the wedding, and he knows that, under the best of circumstances, other attendees would have one eye on the happy couple, and one on the unhappy “ungroom.” Now, he will arrive very late, and under far less than the best of circumstances.

            Through a near-comedy of details, Jacob and Lilly eventually arrive at the wedding celebration, together, after the service and ceremony, as people are eating. Their arrival creates some stir, but not as much as the arrival of the local police close behind them. The first officer to enter is young and obviously ignorant of Amish society and the people who comprise it. He is as determined to get his man as the bishop is to move him out.

            By the time everything is sorted out, Jacob and Lilly find themselves engaged to be married, and the groom, a veterinarian, has discreetly disappeared with Jacob to tend to his wound. From there, Jacob and Lilly fend off questions about their presumed secret courtship, are subsequently married and begin the often painful process of learning to love and be loved.

            As unlikely as Jacob and Lilly’s situation seems to our Western culture, it offers a lesson to our general society. When they leave the wedding celebration, Lilly offers Jacob an “out,” by suggesting that they go together to see the bishop, the next day, to tell him the engagement is off. Jacob declines. He will marry her. Because of the statements each of them had made leading up to their surprise engagement, Lilly’s reputation will be ruined, if they do not marry. Jacob confesses that he probably never will love Lilly, as his heart will always belong to Sarah. Lilly accepts that, and the wedding is on.

            Divorce is not acceptable in Amish society, but couples anywhere always have the option of making the best, or the worst, of their marriage, where love is lacking or unrequited. Jacob and Lilly hold onto their Amish faith in God and their sense of honor. They will do whatever it takes to make a good marriage. We call that commitment. Having said, “I do,” they will keep the vows they made, which were unusual and tailored to the two individuals making them.

            Jacob and Lilly face challenges that can make or break them, as a couple. The process by which they become a true couple, in mutual love, trust and fidelity, makes the story worthwhile. I did enjoy Lilly’s Wedding Quilt, possibly not quite as much as I enjoyed the author’s first novel in the series, Sarah’s Garden. Or it might be that I have burned out on Amish romances, for a while, as I have read many, since reviewing Sarah’s Garden. If you’re a sucker for a good romance, you will enjoy this one.

 

How Good Is Your Friday?

I don't know about you, but I've often wondered why we call this "Good Friday," when it calls to mind a most brutal, inhumane death--the death of Jesus the Christ. Yes, others had been crucified before, and two other men were crucified with Him. But they were being punished for crimes they had committed, while He was being killed for who He was. Not a good day, in my book!

One year, I was especially struck with how utterly bereft His disciples must have felt. This Man, this Jesus, who had taught with such authority; this Man, who had lived like no one they had ever known, and who had called them to live as He lived; this Jesus, who showed such compassion and who also spoke such harsh words to the religious leaders (the "Robes") of His time; this Son of Man, in whom His disciples had placed all their hopes, all their dreams, was dead. Tortured by Roman tactics of the time, He was crucified on a cross--a horrible, horrible death.

The soldiers assigned to Jesus' crucifixion mocked Him and cast lots for His clothing. Yes, this same Jesus, who had committed no crime and hung as the pure, sacrificial lamb for the sins of the world and for my sins, hung naked for all to see. Robbed of strength, robbed of blood, robbed of his clothing, robbed of any human dignity, there He hung. And there He died.

For what purpose did He die? Where was the good in that? Oh, most people who know anything about Him, whether they accept Him as the Christ, the Savior that He is or not, most people know that He died to save us from our sins, to reconcile us to God the Father, and to make it possible for us to enjoy eternal life with Him. But what does that mean today? What does it mean to you?

Some of what it means to me is that I know God is at work in me and, amazingly, through me. He is not content with behavioral modification, although some of that is often desirable. He is all about transformation, changing me from the inside, out; renewing my mind, transforming my heart, my attitudes, my thoughts. Now. Here. In this life, He is transforming me . . . and He won't likely finish before I die. But I am very aware of some of the areas in which transformation has been taking place--and some of the areas where I desperately need transforming. It starts here, it starts when we put our faith in Jesus Christ. Our eternal life begins now.

The transforming power of God is possible, here and now, through the work of the Holy Spirit, because of what Jesus Christ suffered on what we now call Good Friday, and what God did with that two days later in raising Christ from the grave, to make my reconciliation to God and my eternal life with Him possible.

He makes this a very Good Friday!

A Cold, Cold Heart

Title:  Heart of Ice: A Triple Threat Novel
Authors:  Lis Wiehl with April Henry
Published by Thomas Nelson, 2010
Kindle 3.1 edition

Heart of Ice, the third novel in the series, opens as Joey Decicco prepares to do his favorite thing: light a fire. His purpose: to burn down a house, on orders from a woman he first knew as Sissy. 

In fact, Sissy, or Elizabeth, as she calls herself now, has no heart, if by heart we mean an ability to feel sympathy, empathy, compassion or understanding of another person. No one else is important, in her mind, except as they may be useful to her. The reason she pays Joey to burn down the house is that her boyfriend’s ex-wife and son live there. They take too much of his time, attention and money, all of which Elizabeth believes he ought to be giving to her. The fire is punishment for the ex-wife, punishment that backfires on Elizabeth, a bit later.

Throughout the book, Elizabeth punishes the people who get in her way. Anyone she can steal from is useful; anyone she can manipulate to do her dirty work for her is useful. When they become troublesome, she manipulates someone else to kill for her, preferring to keep her own hands clean. Before the story ends, though, Elizabeth has killed several people—not counting the children she had killed many years earlier.

So where does the Triple Threat come in? Allison Pearce, Nicole Hedges and Cassidy Shaw enter the story in Chapter 3. Allison is a federal prosecutor, Nicole an FBI special agent, and Cassidy the major crime reporter for Channel Four News. The three have worked together in two other major crimes, but their “Triple Threat” moniker came from their favorite shared dessert in which chocolate reigns supreme.

I first read about this trio in Hand of Fate, the second book in the series (Face of Betrayal was first). I liked the three protagonists so much that I could hardly wait for this third book to come out. After I began reading it, I wasn’t sure I could get through Chapter 2, which was all about Elizabeth. Fortunately, most chapters thereafter focused on one or all of the three protagonists; at least, the rest of the book was reasonably balanced. And I still really like Allison, Nicole and Cassidy. I just hope the authors don’t settle on such hard-core storylines. 

Psycho-type movies or programs find no fan in me, and I wasn’t up for reading a psycho-thriller. That characterization is mine; the book is cataloged as a murder mystery, with related tags, but Agatha Christie wrote murder mysteries. Erle Stanley Gardner wrote murder mysteries. Jessica Fletcher, protagonist of the TV series, Murder, She Wrote, solved murder mysteries (based on Christie’s Miss Marple series). Their respective stories were definitely softer than many on the market, now, but they were truly child’s play, compared to this book. 

Many people enjoy the cold, calculating, totally self-involved characters who brook no sympathy, feel no empathy, for their victims or anyone else. It’s all about them. So if you enjoy movies and books of that sort, you will love Heart of Ice. For that reason, I highly recommend the book and, for you, I’ll give it four stars. If you are more like me, I’d suggest you pass on it. 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze program. TN did not require me to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Look at Jesus!

Reading this morning in Oswald Chambers*, I came across this verse at the bottom of his devotional for April 2:

Since mine eyes have looked on Jesus,
I've lost sight of all beside,
So enchained my spirit's vision,
Gazing at the crucified.

Several years ago, when I was struggling with a very old source of shame, I read this passage in the letter to the Hebrews:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (vv. 1-3)

I had read that passage many times before, but that morning, the Holy Spirit fine-tuned my understanding. I focused completely on the few words that I underlined, above, as the answer I needed for dealing with an old shame: I turned my heart and my mind--"fixed my eyes," as it were--on Jesus; shame is much too heavy a burden for me to carry, and when the sin** that brought it on is forgiven, shame loses its purpose.

Since that morning, whenever an old sin, an old habit, an old hang-up--call it what you want--captures my attention, I remember to look to Jesus. Sometimes, it takes me a while to remember, but when I do, I experience the freedom from enslavement that He offers us.

I needed Chambers' verse, this  morning, to remind me to get my eyes back on Jesus and off of the concerns that have distracted me for several days. Some situations are just more than I can handle. Remember the Serenity Prayer?

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things I can, and
        the wisdom to know the difference!

*  *  *

*My Utmost for His Highest," c. 1992, Oswald Chambers Publications Association, Ltd. Original edition c.1935, Dodd, Mead & Company, Inc. Copyright renewed 1963 by OCPA, Ltd.

**I recognize that shame comes both from our own sins, and from the sins of others against us that cause us to feel unworthy, inadequate, ashamed of who we are. I am not dealing, here, with the shame from those sources; however, I have come to believe that we see ourselves best, when we begin to see ourselves as God sees us--as His much-loved children, for whom He died and rose again, and whom He has gifted in various ways to serve Him by serving others for His purposes.

Through the Eyes of a Child

In my mind, this started out as a book review, but I'm not sure I can strictly call it that, as I'm still doing a lot of processing. The book in question is a now-popular little paperback titled Heaven Is for Real: A Little Boy's Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back, by Todd Burpo, with Lynn Vincent. Thomas Nelson published the book in 2010. If I had set this up as a book review, I would have needed to give the number of pages, but mine is on Kindle; I don't have page numbers.

Todd Burpo is a Wesleyan pastor and business owner who wears several other hats, not the least of which is the one he wears as the father of Cassie and Colton Burpo (Colby came along later). The story is primarily about Colton's illness due to a ruptured appendix; about his out-of-body experience, which he confirmed by stating where in the hospital he saw his dad, where in the hospital he saw his mom, and what each of them was doing--all while he was in surgery; and about his time in heaven. Colton did not come out of surgery talking about heaven, but over a period of at least a couple of years, as he remembered things, he mentioned them to his parents.

Keep in mind that Colton was not yet four years old, when his appendix ruptured and continuing spreading poison into his body for five days, before his parents could get a good diagnosis. By that time, Colton had the look of death about him, a look his pastor-dad had seen on many elderly people, as their lives on this earth were coming to an end. Doctors had to operate twice to get him cleaned out.

Later, when Colton began talking about sitting on Jesus' lap and began describing Jesus and his clothes (or, for King James readers, raiment), his dad thought, Wow. Our Sunday School teachers are really doing a good job! But as Colton's revelations of his time in heaven began to include other people he met--Jesus' cousin (John, of course), a great-grandfather who had died long before Colton was born, and a sister who had died in utero (also before Colton was born)--his parents knew they were receiving a gift of monumental proportions.

Other descriptions included angels and what they wore; seeing the Holy Spirit ("He's kinda blue"); seeing angels wielding their swords--yes, swords, in heaven--in the ongoing battle with Satan and all his fallen angels; and seeing the very throne of God. Much that not-yet 4-year-old Colton described we can read in scripture, which the author cited in Notes at the back of the book.

I found real comfort--not pablum, not an opiate, but comfort in much of what Colton experienced, with one exception: Satan--the fact that he continues to fight to dominate heaven, and Colton's reaction when his dad asked what Satan looked like.

Bedtime with Bailey

When (Beagle) Bailey first came to live with us, she exhibited such extreme separation anxiety (still does) that we allowed her to sleep on our bed, with us. That became undesirable for two reasons: The first had nothing to do with Bailey, exactly, but if she was allowed in the room, then we couldn't keep Kat out, and I get no sleep, if Kat is allowed in. The second reason was Bailey: No matter in what position she starts out, before long, she sleeps perpendicular to each of us, and in between. Seen from above, I imagine we'd form a kind of H, although the two verticle lines would be a little wavy.

So we moved her out to the sofa, making a nice bed for her with soft (cheap) towels and a stuffed "bone" for her head. She loves to burrow--another challenge, when she was on the bed with us--so we laid another cheap towel over her.

I don't remember why, but eventually, we started tucking her in on the guest bed, which she shares with Kat. Kat presents challenges with this arrangement, as well, because he is likely to knead her, or to crawl into her space with her. That often results in her getting up and whining for Dad to go tuck her in, again.

But here is an example of the challenge she, herself, presents at bedtime. None of our previous dogs did this, probably because they played out in the yard, ran around, chased each other, etc. Not our sedentary little doggy; she holds in all her energy until bedtime. What a trip.