Brokenness
Brokenness happens in all kinds of ways and is no respecter of persons. The excellent and timely message at church, this morning was about brokenness; it was timely for me, because my current state of brokenness relates to several months of running on empty. Going through the motions, not having lost my faith in my Lord, but convinced that I am such a failure at living for Him. I haven't got everything right; I don't do all the things Christians are supposed to do. I've tried, oh, God knows I've tried, but the path behind me is littered with failed determination, failed self-discipline and more broken promises than I can remember. Think of Peter's vehement assertion that he would never deny his Lord, that he would follow Him to the death--only to deny him three times in one night. Peter is my brother.
I've let another voice taunt me with my failure, telling me I'm a total sham, that I have no right even to go through the motions of worship or to make the sounds of praise; and that I have no right to pray, to ask God for anything, for myself or for anyone else. And, oh, I need to pray to Him, not only for myself but for so many people. Ariel, back east, just diagnosed with Hodgkins; Miriam, with frequent headaches; Eric, in need of a new job; blogger Bob and his family, in Seattle, going through a dark, heavy time; another blogger, Martha, in Texas, who is watching a dear loved one possibly approaching death. And until this morning, I had begun to believe that God wouldn't listen to me, anyway. Update 10/30/06: I should have mentioned my friend Arnelle, who underwent surgery, this afternoon. And my cousin Bettina needs a lot of prayer support right now, and probably for months ahead. So many more. Update 11/3/06: Ariel has been diagnosed with Hodgkins Disease. She is back in her apartment, among family and friends; further good news: The cancer has not spread to any other part of her body. Thank you, Father!
But I was reminded that God said, "My grace is sufficient for you," and "My strength is perfected in your weakness." Right now, I need a God who can pray for me with strength, faith and power, that I'm lacking; fortunately, I have One: His Holy Spirit translates my aching, my longing to reach out and gather those who are hurting far worse than I am, my inadequate whimpering: "God--? Will you please take care of these people? Bring healing, bring release, bring wholeness and strength as only You can." And that is my prayer.
That's a great line: "Peter is my brother"... I never thought about it that way.
Posted by: bryonm | 10/30/2006 at 06:02 PM
Bryon, I'd love to know what it means to you; I think it could be read in at least a couple of ways.
Posted by: vickisue | 10/30/2006 at 06:25 PM
Today is a day to be joyous and glad, for each day is the Lord's day. You don't have to shoulder all the responsibility and concern.
Our Father/Mother will handle it. Just keep trying.
In the Eternal Light,
Sam
Posted by: Sam | 10/30/2006 at 08:08 PM
Hi, Vicki,
Thanks for your visit. I realized the other day that I hadn't visited your blog in a while.
So many of our friends need our prayers, don't they. I'm so glad that even when we feel we can't pray or know how to, He knows.
Posted by: Beverly | 10/30/2006 at 08:26 PM