Passions of the Soul

Chisel or control?

This is a terrific vid' of a skit that reveals a bit more than I'm comfortable revealing about my life as a person of faith. I really, truly, deeply want to be transformed into the likeness of Christ...but in my way, on my time and my terms. Every time the "God" character hits the chisel in this skit, some part of my body jumps or twitches. Probably represents at a pretty mild level the way I react when He is really trying to "chisel" some part of my heart or mind, some behavior or attitude that is not like Him.  Look at it here.

I want to grow older...better

The current sermon series at our church is based in the Old Testament book of Proverbs, also known as some of the "Wisdom Literature." It's just amazing how much of the book focuses on the tongue--how we use it, how we use our words--with many admonitions to be careful.  Consider, for example, 4:24 - Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips."  Among the seven things that are "detestable to [God]" are "haughty eyes [and] a lying tongue" (6:17).

In Chapter 10, we learn that "When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise" (v19).  (I talk too much!)  "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment" (v20, 21). 

The scriptural admonitions about the need to tame the tongue, choose our words wisely, and so on, are not limited to the Proverbs.  In the New Testament, the Apostle Paul admonishes believers to "put off falsehood and speak truthfully"; to let no "unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs"; to be kind to one another; not to sin in our anger; to "get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice; to "be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other..." (all found in Ephesians 4:25-32).  In 5:4, he tells us, "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving." 

James, an apostle and the brother of Jesus and leader of the early Christian Church, spoke of the need to tame the tongue, which he likens to a very small rudder of a ship, and to the spark of fire that can destroy an entire forest (3:3-6).  "The tongue . . . corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell" (v6).

Contrary to what we learned as children, how we speak to or about other people is so important.  Remember what we were told, as kids, when another child had said something unkind to us?  "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  What a lie!  In fact, Prov. 18:21 tells us "The tongue has the power of life and death."  I'm not proud to admit this, but I had friends, in the past, who were actually in awe of my ability to cut someone down to size, verbally, in anger.  But is that what I want on a grave marker?  No.  No.

Someone told me long ago that, as we humans age, we become increasingly the way we are when we are young; sweet people grow sweeter, angry people grow angrier and more crotchety, etc.  I don't like the theory, because it leaves little or no room for people to learn and grow.  Worse, it fails to take

Meltdown

Ever wonder whether sponsoring a child really makes their lives much different from the way they would have been? If you were to hear any graduate of the program speak, you would no longer question. If you were to hear any graduate of the Leadership Development Program (LDP) speak, you would wonder no more. They often talk about what their lives were like before they were registered in a Compassion project, and they may mention the importance to them of the education they were able to receive, as well as the spiritual training, the reality of Jesus Christ in their lives, as a result of being in Compassion. But unless they have had a sponsor who never wrote to them, you will hear a lot about how important the sponsor was in their lives; just to know that someone far away loved them, believed in them, prayed for them and encouraged them carried them through all the challenges of their lives. They are usually articulate (not always fluent in English) and poised young adults.

But if you want to see one of them dissolve into tears, watch them as adults, when meet their sponsor, for the first time. Watch this classic example of such a meeting. (If you know how, move the slide (bottom of video) to about 3:45 (minutes); otherwise you'll hear various people talking about Compassion's effectiveness. The whole video is about 18 minutes, but this part takes only a few minutes.) Jimmy Wambau's story begins at the point I gave you, and then his sponsor is introduced.

When you have dried your eyes and pulled yourself together, ask yourself whether $38 a month really might be possible for you. Ask yourself--better yet, ask God--whether you can be a real hero to a child. If the answer is yes, either click on the widget in the left sidebar, or go here to choose your own special child.

Revised 10/16/09

How Strong Is Your Life?

Title:  Find Your Strongest Life: What the Happiest and Most Successful Women Do Differently

Author:  Marcus Buckingham

Publisher:  Thomas Nelson

Date:  2009

263 pages

 

Reading this book for review put me on a rollercoaster ride from start to finish.  It started somewhat strong, although not consistently so.  Then I encountered a paragraph in the third chapter that so rankled me that I wanted, quite literally, to throw the book at Marcus Buckingham.

 

In Chapter 3, "Of Choice and Men," Buckingham addresses some of the reasons that women grow increasingly unhappy as we age.  One of those reasons, it seems, can be boiled down to "Just Men." I sensed that the author has been so socialized by the feminist movement and "psychobabblers" and has accepted the idea that men are somehow inferior to and a burden on women.

 

Then there is "Housework," also in Chapter 3, which includes the "men" factor, again.  The author acknowledges the statistical trend showing that men take a more active part in both housework and child care than in the past, and here is his great tip for speeding up the trend:

But the other thing you can do is keep working. The research is quite clear on this point: the longer a woman has worked outside the house--meaning the number of years you've worked, not the number of hours a week you work--the more housework and cooking and child care the man does. Take your career seriously, and over time, it seems, so will he. (p. 37)

Granted, Buckingham is a statistician, but in my opinion, his perspective is based too narrowly on statistics, alone, and not on what is best for the family, the children, the marital relationship, or the dynamics in the home. He seems focused only on a way to get men to do more work around the old homestead, which seems manipulative, to me. I hope I'm wrong.

 

I take issue with some of his other opinions, but this is a book review, not a philosophical debate. So back to the book.

 

Reading this book was a struggle for me, until Part 3 - Strong Life Tactics - where all that preceded it began to come together better and make more sense for me. In Chapter 10, "Tactics for a Stronger Career," I found a page focused on finding our passion. As I read the page, I mentally traveled back to the late '90s.

The race is on!!

One of my Facebook and Compassion friends and I share the same birthday.  And each of us has set up a "birthday wish" on Facebook--not for gifts, real or virtual, but to raise money for Compassion's Bite Back! campaign. So since we share the same birthdate and want the same thing, this year, we've agreed to a challenge: Which of us can raise the most money and take the biggest bite out of malaria?

To donate, go here.  No amount is too small...or too large! The great thing is that, no matter whether I raise more or Steve does, everybody wins!! But (ahem!) Steve has a head start of several days, so....

And here's something else you may or may not know: Among the families with whom Compassion's field partners work, many have only one bed, and the whole family may sleep on it. If such a family has a bed net, everyone is protected!

UPDATE: I slowly figure things out, some of the time. Instead of the detailed instructions for contributing either through here or on FB, I have simplified it by providing the link, above. I don't think you have to have signed up on Facebook, but if you run into a problem, do let me know.

UPDATE 9/20/09: Today is the day!!  Steve met his goal of $200 maybe two weeks ago; my total (as of last night) had climbed to $65.  This is the last day to grant my Birthday Wish by clicking on the word "here" in the second paragraph.  (If you read this too late for this deadline, you can still contribute by going to www.biteback.net.)  Coming up to an even $100 would provide a treated bed net for 10 children, plus medication for the infected, education in preventive measures (including use of the net and much more), and development of additional preventive measures for communities.  It's a good thing to do.

Cycles in Marriage

Love & Respect:  The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs
Author:  Dr. Emerson Eggerichs
Published:  Thomas Nelson, 2004
324 pages, including Appendices and Notes

The Apostle Paul wrote that "those who marry will face many troubles in this life" (I Corinthians 7:28). No kidding! Dreams of "happily ever after" die, usually within the first few months to a year.  Sometimes they die hard, awash in anger, resentment, disappointment and frustration.

In Love & Respect, Dr. Eggerichs builds on Paul's admonitions in Ephesians 5:22-25, a familiar passage that has aroused resentment in many wives and led some husbands to be heavy-handed with their wives. Both reactions are based in misunderstanding. Where translations variously say that wives must "submit" to their husbands, or "be subject to" them, Paul used a word that better translates as respect.  It does not mean that wives are to be slaves, doormats or wimps.

The understanding that Eggerichs and others have come to is that wives and husbands are commanded to give what each needs the most:  We wives need to know we are loved and cherished, so much that our guys would die for us "as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her" (Eph. 5:25). That apparently does not come naturally to husbands.

Meanwhile, husbands want to be our heroes, the man we look up to, the man we respect. And that does not come easily to wives, especially when all around us, in magazine articles, on TV talk shows and sitcoms and in movies, men are treated with disdain and even contempt.

And so we fall into what Eggerichs calls the "Crazy Cycle": Wherever and however it starts (or whoever starts it), he does not treat her in a loving way, so she reacts with disrespect, which evokes an unloving response, etc., ad nauseum. But there is hope.

Walking with God

I am reading Genesis, again.  In theory, I'm following the Book of the Month tool through the church, although I don't foresee any chance of reading--even skimming--through Genesis in a week.  Besides, I am not a good skimmer; something strikes me as significant, or a pattern, or I get into the study notes (NLV study Bible), and I'm making notes, already; so in a way, I'm ahead...or, at least, may yet get in all that the toolbox suggests in the month's time.

Anyway, in chapters 5, 6, and 7, I was struck, first, by the difference between all the men who "lived" x years and then died, and Enoch, who "walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away."

That is an end I could long for.  But I wonder.  Did Enoch never stumble?  If not, then was he, like Job, a "perfect man"?

But more to the point is this question:  What does God require of me to truly walk with Him?  Micah 6:8 immediately comes to mind:  "to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with the Lord."  Surely, walking humbly with the Lord includes--or requires--complete obedience.

On one hand, obedience, no matter what and no matter how I feel about what God is directing me to do, is better than refusal or defiance.  But I don't find Jonah's eventual obedience especially attractive, especially in light of his attitude when he saw the immediate response of all the people of Ninevah in repentance. I mean, all the people, including the king.

But back to Genesis and my own stumbling, bumbling, way of walking with God.

Where Do You Think You're Going?

BOOK REVIEW:  The Principle of the Path:  How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be
Author:  Andy Stanley
Published by Thomas Nelson, 2008
204 pages (includes a Study Guide)

Where Do You Think You’re Going?

What grabs your attention?  Are you going in the direction that will lead you to your desired destination?  How are those questions connected?

Most of us have some idea of what we want out of life, out of a job or a marriage, but most of us also find ourselves frustrated, because we never seem to get where we want to go.  I wonder how many of us ever stop to ask ourselves if the direction we’re heading is leading us to our stated goal.  Usually, I think, we simply get frustrated, when we find ourselves someplace we didn’t want to be, whether it’s stuck in a job we hate or a marriage without mutual love and respect, or facing bankruptcy because we managed our money unwisely.  Or didn’t manage it, at all.

Andy Stanley has identified—not created—a principle that is at work in all our lives, whether we recognize it, or not.  It is neither a law nor a rule, both of which can be broken, although breaking them may have undesirable consequences.  A principle is at work, whether we are aware of it, believe it, agree with it, fight it or leverage it for our benefit.  It just is.  And it applies to every area of our lives:  job or career, marriage and other relationships, finances, academics, morality or spirituality; every area is either enhanced or degraded as a result of this principle and whether we apply it well or ignore it.  And it has nothing to do with our goals, desires or intentions.

As I read Stanley’s explanations and examples, throughout the book, my mind repeatedly responded with, “Well, of course!”  “That’s so obvious!”  It is all so simple, and yet I had never thought of any of it, myself, and never realized there was a principle at work.

Even if you are sitting pretty, right where you want to be, or know that you are on the right path to get there, you will benefit by reading this book.  And if you are like most people, frustrated because you can’t ever seem to make any headway, heart-broken because of a broken marriage or relationship, going deeper and deeper into debt, or dissatisfied in any other area of your life, this book is a must-read.  Every pastor, counselor and coach ought to read it, too.  It is that good.