Suicide is not an easy subject, but an article about it was headlined in one of our local papers, a couple of days ago. Many readers of the online edition left comments, mostly slanted on the need to make suicide easier to talk about. The idea is that someone who is feeling suicidal or having such thoughts needs to feel free of the "taboo" and more readily ask for help. With that much, I agree. And, certainly, the survivors of someone who has committed suicide need to be encouraged to seek help in working through the pain, the anger, all the aspects of grief related to the self-inflicted death of the loved one. Having once been close to someone who was often suicidal, I feel pretty strongly about my response to the article and to the comments. That is not to say that I am right.
I might have let the article go by without addressing the topic here, except that I know the holidays are very painful for a lot of people; I believe it's true that more people flock to hospitals and community mental health centers, at this time of year, because negative associations of past holiday seasons send them into a depression. So...some of my thoughts follow.
In the first place, any "taboo" on suicide, especially when based in religious training or belief, has probably kept a lot of people alive long enough to get the help they needed in order to live reasonably happy and productive lives. Obviously, it doesn't stop everyone. But the article did not come close to addressing all the reasons that people make attempts at suicide, which include the usual suspects of severe depression and mental illness, among others; it did not, for example, address the fact that many times, the person is angry at someone who has, or is perceived to have, let him down. Often, in such cases, revenge is at least a part of the motivation to make an attempt. Sometimes, the person unintentionally succeeds.
I added my one-and-a-half cents' worth to the comments online, and I offer them here, inadequate tho' they are:
Yes, I hope some who are thinking or feeling suicidal will call someone for help--and if the first person fails, call someone else.
But my concern is that others, especially teens, will think, "Oh, no taboo...so it's okay for me to kill myself" and then do it. Two points that are not stressed enough, often enough and clearly enough are that (a) there is always hope, even when we can't see through the darkness, and (b) if the person who should help you refuses--or fails through lack of understanding--someone else will help. Ask. Ask again. Talk to a trusted teacher, counselor, clergy person; call a hotline for suicide prevention; if nothing else, call the police, and you will get help.
Finally, if you're thinking of suicide as the ultimate revenge against someone who has let you down, consider: They will probably get the help they will need to work through [their grief over] your act, and eventually, they will find happiness in life, again. You, on the other hand, will be dead. Don't do it. There are better solutions.
No, I didn't specifically write about having faith in God, trusting Jesus, or any of the things I would probably say to an individual for whom faith might have some meaning. Suppose someone who is suicidal in the wake of clergy abuse, or abuse at the hands of very religious parents, for example, were to read that; I would have lost that audience. But if I were talking with someone who was threatening suicide and knew that she or he made a profession of faith in God, I would encourage that; if she or he made no profession, I would--unless I knew a good reason not to--broach the subject and encourage the person to put his or her faith in God, our best and only real hope. I know some would tell me I'm wrong even to think of not pointing someone to Jesus Christ, and maybe I am. But if I were talking to someone with whom I had not yet earned the right to speak of Him, I would not push it. But I would be listening for any direction from the Holy Spirit.
I learned from professionals, many years ago, to take seriously a threat of suicide; even if the one threatening the act doesn't really intend to follow through, she or he may succeed, by accident. If you are talking to the person on the phone, do not hang up, as long as the other is still there. Don't say, "I'll call you right back, but I have to call the police (or an ambulance) for you." Stay with it. And meanwhile, pray that you will never have to deal with such a horror.
